It's only Tuesday and I'm exhausted. This is what happens when you aren't feeding your soul. When you sit there for 8-9 hours for the benefit of someone else and you do nothing that sparks joy in you. It's taken me a long time to comes to terms with the fact that no one did this to me but me. I put myself here. I kept telling myself that I HAD to stay here. I was OBLIGATED to work in a place that counts me as useless every single day. I put up with leadership who only got to be where they are because of who they know. I continued to be put in a position where I am constantly showing my management team how to do their job. I forced a smile, I had to grin and bear it because I thought it was NECESSARY. I told myself that because of other people actions, I had to shut up and smile; do whatever I'm told to make money. I was chasing money to live and I forgot to have a life.

I forgot there is a little girl counting on me. Not just to put food on the table but to prove to her that you can be happy and you can be there for your kids and ABSOLUTELY NO JOB is more important that family. I forgot who I was, I became a mom and let go of every little thing that made me who I am.

I'm not just a mom. I'm a writer. I'm a photographer. I'm a traveler. I'm a woman.

Money will always be there, I can make money a million different ways. What i can't do is buy back the past 6 years that I have neglected my family, most importantly my kid. I can't buy back the time I didn’t go on the field trip, I didn’t check the homework folder, I didn’t have lunch with her, I didn’t have holiday lunch with her, I didn’t make the parent teacher conference, I forgot about the the fucking science project, I missed the performance, I missed the awards ceremony. I can't buy that back on the fucking 15th! I cannot pay to go back and take back the countless days that I came home sad, mad, exhausted. All those days I came home and couldn't be the mom I was called to be. I couldn't be woman I was called to be because I was so angry at the fact that I missed the whole day with my daughter and didn’t do a single thing that made me happy. I can't get back the last 6 years. I can't redo the bad days, but I can try to make sure that the years I have left are full of love and that I am there physically and mentally and emotionally for what matters. I can promise you this: In 2020, I'm reclaiming my time.

“We are all SELF MADE but only the successful will ADMIT it.”