“There are friends, there is family, then there are friends that turn into family” - Unknown

There is a special place in my heart for my close friends. I can count them on my hands, I don’t have many.

Don’t get me wrong, I know hundreds of people but there is a difference between knowing someone and doing life with someone. I have only a handful of people that I do life with. And when I tell you that I love them, I mean that would take a bullet for them. I love them, I pray for them and I honestly I don’t know what I would do without them. You know the old adage, “It takes a village” ? Well, that does not stop when you grow up. You will be 95 years old and you will still need a village!

Because these people are so important to me, I left out an integral part of my healing process on my previous post. I did that intentionally because I knew that this piece, this part of the process needed to stand alone. The people that I am going to introduce to you are part of my village and they will be mentioned in many of my stories, just like the other members of my village.

I met Joseph in 2015 when I interviewed for a new department within the bank that I currently work for. At the time, I thought he was too quiet, too self reserved and my complete polar opposite. I thought, hand to God, that I would not ever speak to him other than the few times I had questions. I was absolutely wrong.

Once I got acquainted to the team, he was literally the only one I spoke to until I met Mary and Michelle, of course. He gave me sound career advise and also led the team in a way that made me very jealous because I had never been able to lead a team in that way. We just clicked, ya know? Fast forward about a year, I think. Our little group at work decided to have a Christmas dinner at a restaurant and we met his wife, Mari. Honestly, love at first site.

Mari is just one of those people that can be judgmental and level headed at the same time. She can tell the cold, hard truth and leave you feeling better about the situation. She is usually very happy in a very unfortunate way that makes you hate her sometimes. She is witty, she delivers hilarious banter and she doesn’t compromise her opinion for anyone. She's an amazing person and I cannot imagine doing life without her.

I tell you all of this because you need to know that these two people, this husband/wife dynamic duo played a huge part in me being able to pick myself back up and dust myself off and not stay in that depressed state.

Prior to the miscarriage, Junior and I had planned a couples weekend with our friends, Joseph and Mari, the weekend of June 28th. I knew that by this date I would know if the first round of letrozole had worked or not. So I knew I'd either be announcing a pregnancy or drinking because the first round hadn’t worked. We got some tickets to see the Houston Astros and we planned to have a good time there like any young couple would. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought for sure that I would surprise Junior at the game and make a huge deal and it would be great. When I lost my child, I honestly kind of dreaded going to Houston. I thought for sure I would spend the whole time crying and being a terrible person to be around. But when I text Mari and told her what happened, She legit said “I'm so sorry. If you didn’t need your uterus for future baby making, I'd kick her ass.”

And from that moment, I knew that I had to go. I knew that it wouldn’t be weird, she wouldn’t let me wallow in self pity. And she didn't. She told Joseph, of course, but neither one of them pressured me to talk about it. Joseph gave me a hug when I got there and said he was sorry but that was literally it. They didnt feed me bullshit phrases, they didnt try to give me medical advice or try to force me to feel anything. They listened, they bought me food, made me drinks, Mari took me to get the best pedicure I’ve ever had! They spoke life into my situation without judgement. I am so very grateful to them for allowing me time to grieve, for making me drinks and buying me food, for comforting me by just listening to my drunken rants, for allowing me the space to be a complete bitch multiple times in the span of 2 days and for not giving up on me. I was many things on this trip and pleasant wasn’t one of them so thank you a million times over. Also, sorry about all the bread jokes.

Mari and Joseph may not know this but I think taking those couple of days to just be myself and not deal with the stigma of having lost a child really allowed me to have the mental stamina to face the world when I came home. Those few days gave me perspective, peace of mind, gave me a moment to take a fucking breath and reminded me that having a village to help you is so fucking important.

It is vital to have close friends that accept you for who you are and meet you where you are in life. So many times we stunt our own growth by looking for approval or advise on how to proceed with our own life from people around us. Figuring that out isnt anyone’s responsibility but your own. When you have a village as amazing as mine, they give you space to figure out your next step. They love on you and encourage you to be best the best version of yourself.

This does not undermine any efforts made by any of my other village people because honestly they are all amazing. My sisters, my boyfriend, my family, my inner circle; they all surrounded me and loved on me through this process but honestly very few people knew at that point what I was going through because I wasn’t ready to share. I love them all and if I had a million hours, I would write about them non stop. You’ll probably meet each of them soon enough, though 😊

-Krystalyn